Dandelions In The Wind

Rebeca tried to clean the blood off her hands with a towel but the blood had already started to dry and did not want to come off. She threw the bloodstained towel in to the backpack where she had put the bloody shirt, she had taken off, as well. Then she closed the pack. She rubbed her forehead and tried to decide what to do next. The inside of the brown tent next to her started to smell awful in the hot morning sun and she saw big, chubby flies flying in and out of it. In the trees the birds sang happily as if they were mocking her, asking her where she would go now. Where could she escape? Two sets of tiny feet stuck out from the other tent, a smaller red one. Both children had taken off their shoes before going in and two pairs of little sneakers rested neatly on the grass next to the tent. Rebeca closed the bigger tent’s zipper and then went to wake up the kids. Noel woke up right away and asked why Rebeca’s hands were red.

“Don’t worry. Mommy just got a little cut in her hand, it’s okay”, she answered to the boy and then picked Rose in her hands as the girl did not want to wake up.

“Your sister seems to be sleeping tight, I hope she’s not getting sick”, Rebeca said calmly to the boy who stared at his sleeping sister with big, innocent eyes.

“Come on now, Noel. We need to leave”, Rebeca said.

“But dad’s still asleep. Shouldn’t we wake him up too?” The boy asked wondering and took a step closer to the bigger tent.

“No, no! Let daddy sleep. We go, just the three of us. Just for a little walk. Come now!”

Aurora

On the front lawn of the old house there grew dandelions, a lot of them. I had never seen so many dandelions. It was like a yellow sea. Everywhere striped flower flies where buzzing around and fluffy bumble bees were dining on the bigger yellow flowers in the garden. My brother’s family had moved in to the house three months prior but I had not had the time to visit before. And even now, I came because I received a worrying call from Anthony’s work place few days ago, that he had not come to work after his vacation. After hearing that, I immediately drove the 400 kilometers to come check out if there was something wrong. Anthony had not picked up his phone, even though, I had tried to reach him everyday for almost a week, and now I was getting an uneasy feeling that something bad had happened.

It seemed as though no one had been in the house for weeks. There were curtains covering the windows so I could not see inside. The mail box was full of flyers and letters. The front door was locked as I had expected. I rang the doorbell two times and tried knocking after that but there was no movement inside the house. I did not know what else to do so I drove to the police station. It was not like my brother at all to stay out of touch for so long. Besides, Anthony would never miss work. His work was his passion, after all. And also, he was not the only one missing but his family was gone too.

*

Rebeca had been walking for hours now, carrying Rose in her arms. She felt exhausted. Noel was complaining that he was cold and hungry. Rebeca decided that they where far enough from the camp and they could stop to rest for a while. She put Rose down gently, the girl’s skin felt a bit cold and she was still asleep. Rebeca thought, that she was probably sleeping so much to fight off the trauma of what she had seen. Rose had woken up at night, seen her dad lay lifelessly inside her parents’ tent, all the blood, so much blood. Rebeca shivered from the memory. Rebeca had realized the girl was awake, seen her sit there and stare at them. Rebeca had swept the little girl in to her arms and calmed her down, telling her that it was alright. She guessed, that the girl was traumatized by the gruesome scene. So she let her sleep it away even if it would take a while for the girl to recover.

Rebeca took off Rose’s clothes and bathed her in a stream. Luckily the water was not too cold and Rose did not mind it. Rebeca ordered Noel to do the same and he stripped down and hopped in the stream.

“Mom? Where are we going?” The boy asked standing in the water.

“We’re just walking around for fun. Isn’t it nice to explore the forest?” Rebeca answered in a careless voice and Noel shook his head.

“I want daddy.”

Rebeca brushed her tangled up blond hair nervously. She took out a quilt from the backpack that also contained all the bloody clothes, and wrapped Rose in it. She wondered where they would spent the night. Fear slowly crept in to her heart: she feared that the police were after her. That they would find her and take her children away. She feared that the ghost of Anthony would return to haunt her in her sleep. She had not meant to kill her husband, it just happened. It had been an accident. She had simply tried to protect herself and her children.

Aurora

The neighbors were able to tell us that my brother and his family had gone camping in the forests near the mountains. There was a huge amount of area to cover but come morning over thirty volunteers had gathered up to help in the search. Police had a K9 unit with them and even representatives of the local TV had changed from their suits into sweatpants and soldiered through the thick forest determined with their heavy cameras. I felt nauseous from worry, as I thought of all the possible accidents my brother could have had there in the wild. But at the same time, I found it hard to believe nothing like that could ever happen to him as he was an experienced camper.

At midday, I felt already physically tired, and the sweat had glued my hair on to my forehead. I was certain we would never find my brother. Desperate thoughts plagued me. The agonizingly hot sun shined from straight above, through the branches. Up in the trees the birds were singing. I had picked up some dandelions earlier and forgotten them in my pocket. They had started to wither and die. I dropped the drying flowers down and watched how they flowed for a while in the sunny, golden wind before reaching the ground. A yellow rain.

The day went by, then another and another. I was beginning to lose hope. Most of the volunteers stopped showing up and it seemed as if there were less policemen each day. I heard a rumor that they would stop searching after five days. Fourth day came, then the fifth. I felt desperate, hopeless. Would I ever get to know what happened to my dear brother. Then, they found the camp.

The police secured the area and prohibited the local reporters from taking pictures. I was not allowed to see the camp but I heard that it was horrific. My brother had been found inside a tent, badly decomposed. He had been stabbed over ten times. The police thought it was a hate crime. But who could have stabbed my dear brother? Had his wife and their daughter managed to escape? Or could it be that Anthony’s own wife, Rebeca, had stabbed him? No, I could not believe that. I had thought that the hopelessness had been the most unbearable feeling but it now turned into hellish pain and agony, that was even worse. My phone rang continuously and the reporters were outside the house waiting for me. I covered my head into a pillow and wept. I did not want to speak to anybody. I had gotten the spare key to my brother’s house from the neighbor and I was staying there. The smell inside the house was odd: it smelt like loneliness. Outside the dandelions had changed into white, fluffy seedheads.

*

Rebeca had been going around in the forest for days. Rose started to look sick: She slept a lot and her skin was pale. The girl felt delicate in Rebeca’s arms and she feared that Rose would get pneumonia if she would not see a doctor soon. How could see go to see a doctor, though? Had the police found Anthony’s body yet? Would all the stores and gas stations be showing pictures of her? Wanted.

Noel kept asking for daddy and complaining about all the walking, sleeping on mossy forest floor and the cold nights. Rebeca could not stay in the forests forever. She needed to get somewhere where she could take care of her children, but where? All the waking hours, she was haunted by memories of Anthony laying in a pool of blood inside the tent, and during nights she saw nightmares of flies flying over her husband’s dead, still body.

Rebeca could not tell days apart from each other anymore and she did not have a clue as to how long they had been in the forest. They needed real food badly as all the food they had been carrying with them was running out fast. The hot summer days went by and it started raining heavily. They were without shelter and soaking wet soon. Rebeca held Rose against her chest and kept Noel on her side. They would all get sick in a storm like that, she thought. Rebeca was so afraid that she felt unable to breathe at times. Warm tears burned her cheeks in the cold rain.

Aurora

They found Rebeca’s fingerprints all over Anthony’s body and nothing else. The police informed the local media that Rebeca and her two-years-old daughter were missing and that Rose was probably in danger with her mother. There were no signs that anyone else had been in the camp. It was starting to look like Rebeca had killed her husband. My mind was numb. The tears would not come anymore. Instead, a hate so deep and dark was growing inside me, consuming me. Hate like I had never known before.

White, round dandelion balls flew in the wind. The storm was coming and the dark clouds gathered in the horizon. There was anticipation in the air. Rebeca and my brother had been having some troubles, I knew. After they lost their firstborn son a year ago, Rebeca had shut everyone out completely. Their son, Noel, had ran from their front lawn right in to a street and someone driving over the speed limit had hit him. He died instantly and the hit-and-runner was never caught. Anthony and Rebeca both had been angry at themselves and sad for their little family. But they had to keep on going, for Rose. The little girl needed to be fed, bathed, changed. She needed routines. I never understood how they made it day after day but they did. I knew, they fought a lot. Anthony told me Rebeca was not fine at all mentally but he did not know where to get help. I never imagined that the situation would turn violent. Now I found myself festering deep hate towards Rebeca and even towards Anthony. But the one I hated the most was myself. In addition to the hate, I felt great worry for little Rose.

*

Finally, Rebeca found a way out of the forest. The rain had stopped. She paced through tall crops, swinging in the wind, across a field towards a farm. Rebeca could not decide what they should do. In her arms, she carried both of her children and she was slowly closing in on a red outbuilding. She peeked inside and the were two stalls with a maroon stallion and a tiny black pony in them. The animals drew their ears back and stared at Rebeca suspicious when she stepped in. Rebeca found some straw and made a bed out of them for poor sick Rose and complaining Noel. Then she found a tap and washed her hands and face and drank. She poured water into a metal bucket and carried it to the children.

“Drink and wash yourselves, darlings”, she ordered them.

The night fell and the pale blue moon shined inside from the blurry windows. Rebeca liked how soft and dry the straws felt against her cheek. She slept better that any other night after they had left the camp.

Rebeca woke up to a scream. She stood up and instinctively grabbed her children. In the doorway stood a woman, an older woman, wearing a denim overalls and a yellow T-shirt under it. In her hand, she had a bucket and in her face, a look of confusion. Her blue eyes were glued to Rebeca who was weighing her options, looking for an escape. The horse and the pony started pounding the stall doors with their hooves and neigh in fear. The murky morning light poured in to the stable behind the woman and there were dust floating in the air. Rebeca pondered for a while and then she sprung to the door, pass the woman who was almost able to snatch her arm. But Rebeca ran outside and dived in to the field. She ran as fast as she could and heard the woman scream after her.

Rebeca did not stop running until she was back in the forest. Safe there, hiding, surrounded by the trees. She stumbled forward and almost twisted her ankle when stepping into holes hiding underneath the mossy ground. Rebeca did not know how much time had passed before she heard the sirens scream. She cried and continued walking. She finally knew her escape was over, when she heard the dogs howl in the distance.

Aurora

The police had caught a dirty creature, that had spent weeks hiding in the forests. A skinny woman with dusty and muddy gray hair and bloody clothes. A hysteric woman, acting more like an animal than a human. She had been carrying a dead, awful smelling, rotting little girl in her hands. Rose. Rebeca was in panic, asking help for her sick daughter, not realizing she had been dead for days. She had also claimed that her son was with her, her son who had died and who had been buried a year ago. She saw Noel, she insisted, but the police did not, obviously. However, Rebeca had been carrying two sets of children’s clothes in her backpack where she had been carrying her bloody clothes as well. How completely out of her mind she must have been.

After a week, the truth started to reveal. Rebeca was ill, very ill and my brother had known that. He had threatened to leave and take Rose with him if Rebeca would not seek help. But at the same time, they had tried to fix their broken family by doing the best they could: moving to a new house, the camping trip... But on the trip, they had started to fight and Rebeca had stabbed my brother sixteen times. It was not self-defense, no fear of losing her daughter, not in my eyes. It was insanity, sickness, evil.

Rose had woken up when they fought. She had seen what her mother did, she was a witness. So Rebeca strangled her slowly. Rebeca did not realize what she had done but carried her dead daughter with her around the forest. She believed that Rose was sleeping, that she was ill and could not see how the little body had started to rot away in her arms.

My life would never be the same, I knew. The pain, the anger, it was incomprehensible. I could not let go of it. I sat on the beach and stared at the gently rippling sea, listened when it spoke to me. I wondered, how a mind could suffer so greatly that it lost its grip on reality so completely, descending into a dark madness. I closed my eyes and sighed in to the cold autumn air. Behind the closed eyes I saw dandelions in the wind.